Happy Pepero Day!!!

Today is 11/11, Veteran's Day in the states but here in S. Korea it's Pepero Day!!!  For those of you who don't know Pepero, you may be more familiar with it's Japanese counterpart Pocky Sticks.  The thin little cracker sticks covered in chocolate, some are filled with chocolate, some have nuts on them, some are strawberry, others are vanilla...oh yes, you know what I'm talking about.  Well here in Korea, they're called Pepero.  Pepero Day is similar to Valentines Day and is celebrated on the 11th because 11/11 looks like 5 sticks of pepero.  Apparently, this tradition of exchanging packs started about 10 years ago in Pusan by young school girls as a good luck charm for growing taller.  Though it's a cute story, we all know how marketing schemes work.  Similar to the way Hallmark and Hershey's profit from Valentine's Day, Lotte profits from Pepero Day.  Never the less, it was really fun getting pepero from my students today.  The single wrappers have a thick pepero in it.  The girls were also giving away 2 feet long peperos.  When I walked into one of my classes, they had made a huge heart of pepero boxes and had it hanging on the wall.  So cute.  Anyways, I have a life time supply of these things now and unfortunately I don't even really like them.  Oh well, Happy Pepero Day everyone! 

 

after tonight

1: Mace

I've decided that I want to buy some mace.  I've never really considered doing this before because I've never really doubted my security.  I grew up in a small town where it would take you 15 minutes to drive from one end to the other, and that's with hitting the red lights.  We were so drenched in boredom there was no room to be scared.  Then, there was college.  Of course it was a bigger city, but we lived in Orange County.  The only thing you really had to be afraid of were the plastic ladies with their self induced paralyzed faces and their anorexic, yappy dogs.  Yet despite all of that, I lived in a safe community with family or friends.  People I knew lived all around me.  As a female, it's not uncommon to experience those moments when you feel as though you're safety is threatened.  Living in the OC, I never really felt this threat.  Living by yourself, without the comfort of your friends or the familiarity of the area is different.  Feeling secure...well you don't really feel secure.  For the most part, Seoul is a safe city.  I mean, little kids ride the city buses, subways, and taxis all by themselves.  Despite that, when night hits, the devil comes out.  Korean's love to drink.  It's so intense over here that Korea has become known for it's "Drinking Culture."  The alcohol is so ingrained that it's a "culture."  Did you know that alcoholism wasn't even a concept until just recently.  People didn't know that it was a problem because everyone seemed to have it, it was just a norm.  Anyways, I'm getting off topic.  At night, doesn't matter if it's the weekend, if you're on one of the last subways and you're a girl, cover your head, don't make eye contact and just hope that no one bothers you.  Today for example, I was walking downstairs to the subway and this drunk man comes running behind me.  I thought he needed help so I stopped to see what he wanted and he starts yelling, "Hey, hey, gobble, gobble."  When I saw glazed over eyes that were just staring off into the distance, I turned around and kept walking.  He kept following and yelling at me, so I started running and hid behind a pillar until he got distracted with something else.  Although I was around other people, for a moment, I felt a little fearful.  I waited for the subway and when it came I jumped on.  Probably 80% of the people were drunk men.  The guy sitting across from me had his head down and was swaying back and forth.  About 6 or 7 stops later, he popped and slimy vomit just went all over him and his shoes.  He got up to leave, but not before throwing up again on the door.  I finally got to my transfer and when I was walking I encountered another old drunk guy.  He stopped in front of me and was trying to get up in my personal space, so I pushed him and just kept walking.  Again, it's creepy, but not too scary because I know that there are people around.  Although I take my precautions, there's still that fear.  Especially after seeing all the drunk men on the subway who are bigger than me and knowing that the nearest friend is 25 minutes behind me and doesn't have a car. 

2: Breathing

Pollution in Korea is bad.  It isn't as bad as China, but it's worse than L.A.  Although I quit smoking, I feel like living here is worse than being a smoker in Cali, especially since I'm walking all the time.  So, I've decided to give in.  I don't care if it looks dorky, I'm gonna buy a face mask.  I'm gonna try to find a cool one, or buy one and bedazzle it!  I'm actually really excited about this new mission/project.    This little guy is rocking a pretty cool one.  I wanted to snap some pictures of the ones they wear here, but I would feel like such a creep.

3: Bond

I watched James Bond tonight.  Please don't watch this movie.  It's so horrible.  Everything is over the top and the ending sucks.  I feel like they've just exploited the franchise and he doesn't have a personality, he's just a pimp who's not even that good looking.  

Fake Plastic

What happened to your face?
Dressed in lace,
you succumbed to society's mace.

Plastic poisons injected into brittle bones,
brought up by the poor spirits,
the bored spirits.














Trapped behind fall colored fashion, a mockery of God.













Beauty has fallen, vanquished by the knife. A spear to fill the gaps of a self destructing culture.















The images foretell the end to this tale.
The feeding of a growing emptiness epidemic.
More is never enough on this mission --



A mutilation of perfect art.

















Always seeking, never sought.















Always taking, but then it's forgot.

wings

sing like a sycamore, buzz like a bee
when did it pay to not be me?
instead i ask to seek things unseen.
to live a life where i'm not a fiend,
for of this world, i knew nothing of,
except for once when i felt true love.
but now the clouds have parted their ways,
even so, the ocean still crashes and sand still waves
and it will continue to be, forevermore.
when you think it can't bleed, the heart just pours
i glance at a picture of myself walking out the door
and i ask myself
is this a vision or is life this real?
it's as though i'm losing control of all i feel.
i drop to the ground and on my knees i kneel,
oh please let this not be my last meal.
is anybody listening or are my words lost in the wind?
i feel like something's burning from depths within.
oh consuming fire swallow me tonight,
be my wings as my soul takes flight.
into the air and away i wanna go,
please just take me to a place that nobody knows.
take me to that place and leave me all alone.

Zot Zot in Seoul?!

Today I went to get a flu shot. As I was coming back from the little clinic I stopped off at Sungshin Woman's University to go shopping. It was one of those moments when I really wished I had my camera. That part of the city is really refreshing. Reminds me a lot of San Fran with it's hills and brick buildings. I perused through the little shops and as I was shuffling through a rack of clothes the sales lady came up to me and said in korean, "This is California fashion." In my head I was thinking, "Oh California, I know that place." I shuffled through some sweatshirts and what did I find but this little dime piece! Of all the places to find a UCI sweatshirt! So those of you with a UCI sweatshirt, wear it with pride, because it represents "Caleponia pashion" in a little dinky shop somewhere on the streets of Seoul. Holla!!! Anyways, I totally have so many sweatshirts, but I had to buy this one. It really made me miss home and my past life.
So, my update. I'm so over cigarettes and I totally made it through the withdrawals...we'll for the most part. There's a few of them that are still lingering, but I think the worst is over. Work is good. My creative juices are getting a little exhausted though. At work I have the oldest computer in the room. Everyone else has nice flat screen new ones. I got stuck with the dusty old PC that freezes and crashes every 2 minutes. I guess you can say that my patience is growing in every possible way; with the kids and with life...and that's an understatement. Too tired to elaborate. Life is just happening to me, and it's kicking my ass for the better. :)

Withdrawls

Today will mark my 11th day without smoking a cigarette. I was a smoker for 5.5 years of my life. During those 5.5 years I spent an average of $1800 (maybe more) on cancer packs and probably around $300 on lighters. I attempted quitting 10 times, seriously attempted quitting 3 times, succeeded 0 times. The longest period of time that I went without a cigarette was 7 days. Although technically you could say it was a month, I totally cheated...serveral times.

At this point in my life, I am experiencing smoker's withdrawal symptoms. What's that like you ask? Well, usually when you take a look at a smoking cessation pamphlet, they list these symptoms:

* tingling in the hands and feet
* sweating
* intestinal disorders (cramps, nausea, constipation, gas, stomach pain)
* headache
* cold/flu like symptoms (sore throat, coughing)
* intense food cravings
* insomnia
* irritability
* anxiety
* depression
* vagueness
* boredom
* feeling cooped up
* fatigue
* dizziness
* tight chest pain
* weight gain
* restlessness

They aren't joking. For someone who has been smoking for only 5 years, I have experienced all of these, and it's been torture. Definitely NOT fun, and NOT easy to overcome. I know this is why I haven't been blogging, I can't concentrate, I get antsy, I get irritated, then I just erase and don't finish. On Monday, I called in sick to school because I was so exhausted and I was having the WORST intestinal cramps and my chest was so tight I wanted to cry. I slept all day Monday. When I went to school on Tuesday, I spent most of the day sleeping in the teacher's lounge and during class I had my students watch Finding Nemo. My co-teachers were really concerned for me after I threw up and wanted to take me to the hospital, but I had to forcefully talk them out of it. I just told them I would be better soon. Seriously, how was I supposed to explain to two Korean women who live in a society where smoking as a woman is soooo looked down on that I was going through withdrawal symptoms from being a smoker? Exactly, you don't. Although the last few days have been difficult, I'm just keeping my eye on the goal; looking forward to that day when all the chemicals will be normal in my body again. When things get really bad, I usually pray, stuff my face with chocolate, or look at disgusting pictures of smoker lungs to get me through the episode.




When I look at this, I wonder how black my lungs are. Anyways, to my smoker friends out there. I am encouraging you all to quit smoking. Believe in yourself that you can do it, and also give yourself the opportunity to dodge lung, tongue, esophageal, or mouth cancer. What's the point of smoking? What purpose does it serve? Is the satisfaction that it gives you worth more than the cost of chemotherapy 40 years down the line? Exercise some will power and stop being a prisoner to these consumer products made from the exploited hands of laborers around the world. Think about other ways you could be spending that $5. While we carelessly blow that money on cigs, then sit and enjoy putting tar into our lungs, people in other parts of the world struggle to make that much money in a week. Let's help out the human race for once, and not ourselves.

http://www.unicef.org/index.php
http://www.childrenshungerfund.org/

So try it out, try quitting! If you're still hesitant, and you don't think you can do it, I am asking you to give up smoking for at least a month and try donating that month's worth of cancer stick $$$ to one of those organizations. If you can't save your life, at least try to save someone else's. but seriously, YOU CAN DO IT!!! If I can manage to do it in a country that has been named a Smoker's Paradise, then you can certainly do it wherever you are. For those of you who haven't been smoking for that long, it's better if you quit now, it's a lot easier! For those of you who have been smoking longer, QUIT NOW, it's only going to get harder, and the withdrawals will be even more intense. Believe in yourself, I know you have the ability to do it. You have a will power that could make mountains crumble! FFFIGHTING!

splove!

spare change?

perplexed, i reflect on the song of the rejects.
watching as they scramble to manage letters into words.
since when was speaking such a crime?
a murmur of the soul left trapped within a creaky wooden box
as the key is flung into a relentless crowd.
these ones adorn a tattered shroud.
left to haunt the city as ghosts,
invisible to those who chose not to see.
it's a clever tool used to leave the forgotten forgot.
while on the first floor,
merry men sit and stuff their faces to oblige their bellies.
they consume with a gaze that stirs a craze from hearts of desire.
i hesitate to inquire.
but the image is to daunting to brush away.
a hope crushed struggles to live another day.
and so they remain.
in the same gutters and alleys in which they came.
"spare change to clear your conscious?"


photographer: aaron frey