Wednesday, December 17, 2008
flying backwards
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
my neighbor
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Geeez
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Happy Pepero Day!!!
Today is 11/11, Veteran's Day in the states but here in S. Korea it's Pepero Day!!! For those of you who don't know Pepero, you may be more familiar with it's Japanese counterpart Pocky Sticks. The thin little cracker sticks covered in chocolate, some are filled with chocolate, some have nuts on them, some are strawberry, others are vanilla...oh yes, you know what I'm talking about. Well here in Korea, they're called Pepero. Pepero Day is similar to Valentines Day and is celebrated on the 11th because 11/11 looks like 5 sticks of pepero. Apparently, this tradition of exchanging packs started about 10 years ago in Pusan by young school girls as a good luck charm for growing taller. Though it's a cute story, we all know how marketing schemes work. Similar to the way Hallmark and Hershey's profit from Valentine's Day, Lotte profits from Pepero Day. Never the less, it was really fun getting pepero from my students today. The single wrappers have a thick pepero in it. The girls were also giving away 2 feet long peperos. When I walked into one of my classes, they had made a huge heart of pepero boxes and had it hanging on the wall. So cute. Anyways, I have a life time supply of these things now and unfortunately I don't even really like them. Oh well, Happy Pepero Day everyone!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
after tonight
3: Bond
I watched James Bond tonight. Please don't watch this movie. It's so horrible. Everything is over the top and the ending sucks. I feel like they've just exploited the franchise and he doesn't have a personality, he's just a pimp who's not even that good looking.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Fake Plastic
What happened to your face?
Dressed in lace,
you succumbed to society's mace.
Plastic poisons injected into brittle bones,
brought up by the poor spirits,
the bored spirits.
Trapped behind fall colored fashion, a mockery of God.
Beauty has fallen, vanquished by the knife. A spear to fill the gaps of a self destructing culture.
The images foretell the end to this tale.
The feeding of a growing emptiness epidemic.
More is never enough on this mission --
A mutilation of perfect art.
Always seeking, never sought.
Always taking, but then it's forgot.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
wings
when did it pay to not be me?
instead i ask to seek things unseen.
to live a life where i'm not a fiend,
for of this world, i knew nothing of,
except for once when i felt true love.
but now the clouds have parted their ways,
even so, the ocean still crashes and sand still waves
and it will continue to be, forevermore.
when you think it can't bleed, the heart just pours
i glance at a picture of myself walking out the door
and i ask myself
is this a vision or is life this real?
it's as though i'm losing control of all i feel.
i drop to the ground and on my knees i kneel,
oh please let this not be my last meal.
is anybody listening or are my words lost in the wind?
i feel like something's burning from depths within.
oh consuming fire swallow me tonight,
be my wings as my soul takes flight.
into the air and away i wanna go,
please just take me to a place that nobody knows.
take me to that place and leave me all alone.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Zot Zot in Seoul?!
Today I went to get a flu shot. As I was coming back from the little clinic I stopped off at Sungshin Woman's University to go shopping. It was one of those moments when I really wished I had my camera. That part of the city is really refreshing. Reminds me a lot of San Fran with it's hills and brick buildings. I perused through the little shops and as I was shuffling through a rack of clothes the sales lady came up to me and said in korean, "This is California fashion." In my head I was thinking, "Oh California, I know that place." I shuffled through some sweatshirts and what did I find but this little dime piece! Of all the places to find a UCI sweatshirt! So those of you with a UCI sweatshirt, wear it with pride, because it represents "Caleponia pashion" in a little dinky shop somewhere on the streets of Seoul. Holla!!! Anyways, I totally have so many sweatshirts, but I had to buy this one. It really made me miss home and my past life.
So, my update. I'm so over cigarettes and I totally made it through the withdrawals...we'll for the most part. There's a few of them that are still lingering, but I think the worst is over. Work is good. My creative juices are getting a little exhausted though. At work I have the oldest computer in the room. Everyone else has nice flat screen new ones. I got stuck with the dusty old PC that freezes and crashes every 2 minutes. I guess you can say that my patience is growing in every possible way; with the kids and with life...and that's an understatement. Too tired to elaborate. Life is just happening to me, and it's kicking my ass for the better. :)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Withdrawls
At this point in my life, I am experiencing smoker's withdrawal symptoms. What's that like you ask? Well, usually when you take a look at a smoking cessation pamphlet, they list these symptoms:
* tingling in the hands and feet
* sweating
* intestinal disorders (cramps, nausea, constipation, gas, stomach pain)
* headache
* cold/flu like symptoms (sore throat, coughing)
* intense food cravings
* insomnia
* irritability
* anxiety
* depression
* vagueness
* boredom
* feeling cooped up
* fatigue
* dizziness
* tight chest pain
* weight gain
* restlessness
They aren't joking. For someone who has been smoking for only 5 years, I have experienced all of these, and it's been torture. Definitely NOT fun, and NOT easy to overcome. I know this is why I haven't been blogging, I can't concentrate, I get antsy, I get irritated, then I just erase and don't finish. On Monday, I called in sick to school because I was so exhausted and I was having the WORST intestinal cramps and my chest was so tight I wanted to cry. I slept all day Monday. When I went to school on Tuesday, I spent most of the day sleeping in the teacher's lounge and during class I had my students watch Finding Nemo. My co-teachers were really concerned for me after I threw up and wanted to take me to the hospital, but I had to forcefully talk them out of it. I just told them I would be better soon. Seriously, how was I supposed to explain to two Korean women who live in a society where smoking as a woman is soooo looked down on that I was going through withdrawal symptoms from being a smoker? Exactly, you don't. Although the last few days have been difficult, I'm just keeping my eye on the goal; looking forward to that day when all the chemicals will be normal in my body again. When things get really bad, I usually pray, stuff my face with chocolate, or look at disgusting pictures of smoker lungs to get me through the episode.
When I look at this, I wonder how black my lungs are. Anyways, to my smoker friends out there. I am encouraging you all to quit smoking. Believe in yourself that you can do it, and also give yourself the opportunity to dodge lung, tongue, esophageal, or mouth cancer. What's the point of smoking? What purpose does it serve? Is the satisfaction that it gives you worth more than the cost of chemotherapy 40 years down the line? Exercise some will power and stop being a prisoner to these consumer products made from the exploited hands of laborers around the world. Think about other ways you could be spending that $5. While we carelessly blow that money on cigs, then sit and enjoy putting tar into our lungs, people in other parts of the world struggle to make that much money in a week. Let's help out the human race for once, and not ourselves.
http://www.unicef.org/index.php
http://www.childrenshungerfund.org/
So try it out, try quitting! If you're still hesitant, and you don't think you can do it, I am asking you to give up smoking for at least a month and try donating that month's worth of cancer stick $$$ to one of those organizations. If you can't save your life, at least try to save someone else's. but seriously, YOU CAN DO IT!!! If I can manage to do it in a country that has been named a Smoker's Paradise, then you can certainly do it wherever you are. For those of you who haven't been smoking for that long, it's better if you quit now, it's a lot easier! For those of you who have been smoking longer, QUIT NOW, it's only going to get harder, and the withdrawals will be even more intense. Believe in yourself, I know you have the ability to do it. You have a will power that could make mountains crumble! FFFIGHTING!
splove!
Monday, October 6, 2008
spare change?
watching as they scramble to manage letters into words.
since when was speaking such a crime?
a murmur of the soul left trapped within a creaky wooden box
as the key is flung into a relentless crowd.
these ones adorn a tattered shroud.
left to haunt the city as ghosts,
invisible to those who chose not to see.
it's a clever tool used to leave the forgotten forgot.
while on the first floor,
merry men sit and stuff their faces to oblige their bellies.
they consume with a gaze that stirs a craze from hearts of desire.
i hesitate to inquire.
but the image is to daunting to brush away.
a hope crushed struggles to live another day.
and so they remain.
in the same gutters and alleys in which they came.
"spare change to clear your conscious?"
photographer: aaron frey
Monday, September 29, 2008
psycho analysis of korea
my work as a teacher is hard. i love it, but it's definitely very challenging, especially with the language barrier, and especially since they are tweenies. some days they come in so excited to learn, other days they just want to goof off. some days they seem interested and engaged, others they are distant and bored. it's hard because their levels of english vary so much. i have some 1st graders that are more advanced than my 3rd graders. as you can imagine, it's hard to make lessons that fit with everyone. it's also hard to do the same lesson 18 times using the same jokes when i know that my co-teachers have heard them at least 4 times. despite all of this, the little progress that i do see is the most amazing thing. when i hear my girl's voices echoing down the hall of things i've taught them, it makes me so happy. when i see them make the effort to speak english whenever i pass by to catch my attention, i can't help but smile. i feel so privileged to be the one that gets to teach them English. at the same time, this excitement is also a little tarnished by my apprehensions about what i'm actually doing here. hmmm, what does that mean? well let me give you a little 4-1-1 on korea and english.
as many of you may know, korea is crazy about learning english right now. for obvious reason, english gives you a competitive edge and a little more leverage in the international market. english has become the international language. why? because we, the native english speakers come from a land of power and money. everyone else is struggling to be like us. so, over 3000 native english teachers were hired by the korean government to teach in the public schools. now, we get paid pretty well, so it's hard to complain. a great salary, free housing, and practically free lunch every day at school. our schools pay for many of our basic furnishings and appliances, so we're set when we get here. president crazy-man lee has this vision of having every student fluent in english my the time they reach high school. his master plan is to have math and science taught completely in english by the year 2012ish or 15 (can't remember the exact date). seriously now? as if korean students don't have enough stress. the average korean household spends about 14 trillion won annually on private english tutoring/after school programs. in addition to how much the government alone is spending on english education, a lot of freaking money is being paid to us native english speakers. the reason i feel so apprehensive is due to what i've seen of this country so far. the president has said that the vicious cycle of poverty that exists in korea could come as a result of the english divide (between those who can afford private tutoring and those who can't). let me tell you, there is a huge gap between the wealthy and the poor in korea, and it's wicked sad. two-thirds of s. korea's population live in seoul. everyone else lives in what is non-affectionately know as the "shee ghol" - the coutryside, the boonies. it's where the poor folk live. if it's not seoul, then it's the see ghol. there is hardly a middle class in korea, which is where the problem lies. how can a government say that teaching english will bridge the divide between the poor and the rich, when it will only separate it. i was talking to one of my friends who has a friend working outside of seoul. his friend told him that many of the students outside of seoul are incredibly poor and live with their grandparents. their parents leave them to live/work in the city to try to make a living. the resources in the schools are minimal and the level of english that the students are at in comparison to their seoul counterparts are not definitely not equal. he told me that he wanted his friend to move into the city to teach, but she didn't want to because the kids outside of the city need a lot of love. so still, the ones who are really learning english are those who can afford to pay for the private classes. but how can a government, and so many families justify spending so much money towards this venture when they can't even help their poor? the welfare system here is practically non-existent. it is so sad. my heart breaks when i see the beggars in the subway stations. they are old, poor, disabled, starving, cold people living in the tunnels of this "high-tech" city. if this is how the poor are in the city, i can't even imagine what it's like in the see ghol. i understand now what professor uriu meant about korea's "growth first ideology." growth first, that's the bottom line. to be the best at any expense, even if it's their own people. korea has had to deal with a lot of catching up, and a lot of set backs along the way, which is why i feel they are so fervent in their endeavors to be so competitive at any cost. i don't know, i may be over stepping my boundaries, and i may be just speaking out of ignorance because i really have never and will never truly understand what it means and what it is to be korean. but in my opinion, this growth first ideology is all jacked up. not just in political terms, but in social terms. korea's economic growth in such a short period has really opened the flood gates. i see it as the younger, deprived child, and now that it acquired a little success, it's painting the town red. the materialism in this country is so nuts. not to say that america is any better, but seriously, korean's are obsessed with the latest fashion, the newest and coolest toys, gadgets and gizmos. you have to get the new one, the best one, the shiny one, the one that the anorexic french models are wearing. you have to mutilate your face otherwise you won't be beautiful. here's a fact for you, did you know that 1 in every 2 women in korea have had some sort of cut, sew or prick done to their face. i honestly don't care if someone choses to augment their body, it's their choice, but what does it mean when 50% of the women in a country are drastically changing their facial features all for the sake of being "the best?"
so, i don't quite know how i got to this point. but that's just my two cents for the evening.
keep the peace, spread the love! thanks for reading.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
news
i weep less.
wondering what awaits beyond the sentence.
a present tense sculpted with hands of perfection.
it's a motion that moves a soothe so immense,
the body temperature rises.
no, raises the senses with blessing from above.
with open eyes and a fleeting heart,
the mind suddenly becomes exposed to a truth.
with a pinch of reality, and two dashes of salt,
the dish is finished.
sweet aromas consume the nostrils
and rich flavors dance on the buds
leaving the tongue yearning for more.
this is a place for the poor.
the children of lost hope find refuge in this scent.
no longer a decent,
but a consumption for comfort.
the body may starve amidst a cold world,
but the spirit will always be fed.
the years of blind wandering,
leading into alleys of pain and fear will met away
as ice on a hot summer day;
water for the flowers
to bloom in the spring of a new youth.
this is the season of rebirth ---
the year of awakening.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
e-mails and spiders
Dear. Hannah♥
(I made gmail today~)
Hi ! I'm Jewel kim
when you just hear my name, maybe you don't know about me.
beacause you teach hundreds of students.
I have a forelock (Is this word right? I want to say hairs that cover my forehead)
I band(?) my hair, and wear red glasses.
I can't speak English very much, so I really feel heavy(?). beacuse I can't tell you somthing. so I tried to send e-mail to tell you (beacause on e-mail, I can find dictionary) somthing. I'll write lots of e-mail about me and my life.
But I'm not good at English as you know
so I sometimes find some words in dictionary.
beacause of it, I must wrote or will write wrong words or sentences.
Could you check those thing, and tell me? or send me letters ! then I will be very happy.(It is just my hope.)
I've naver recevied letters in English.
When I heard that American teacher will be school, I was so excited but also worried.
Beacause when I was 13 in English Village, ( Engligh Village is study English with foreigner
but I heard you are half korean (right?). so I feel a lot familiar. And everybody in our school(students, even theachers-theachers talks a lot about you in class) likes you very much. really!! our think your very pretty and nice. when you say "Hello ladies!" my friends reaaly like this sentense. especially 인영
we all like you!
miss Johnson, I think it's time to stop writting this letter. bye~
SECOND E-MAIL
Sunday, September 7, 2008
korea 101...from the past 2 weeks
Monday, September 1, 2008
just going to write until i fall asleep
Thursday, August 28, 2008
:)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
got rice?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
the landing
airplane food: bi bim bap, pickles, honey dew, seaweed soup, wine~ mmmmmMmMMMMmm